Research Spotlight

Words Can Hurt, Too — Another Kind of Bullying

The stereotype of a bully is that of an overgrown boy who victimizes smaller children with actual or threatened physical pain. But a researcher at the University of Minnesota has been following groups of children from pre-school into middle childhood and learning about a different kind of aggressive behavior. Professor Nicki Crick of the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Child Development calls it “relational aggression” and it is inflicted most often by girls

In relational aggression, the threat is to the friendship or to the other child’s social standing, and it is just as powerful a weapon as physical aggression. “If you don’t let me have the last cookie, I’ll tell Jessica that you said she’s ugly.” “You push me on the swing or I won’t be your friend anymore.” These kinds of threats are examples of relational aggression – that is, threats to the relationship.

Crick defines the term as “behaviors that harm others through damage (or threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship or group inclusion”. She finds that relational aggression increases between pre-kindergarten and middle childhood, during a period when physical aggression is decreasing, and intimacy between friends grows.

Crick first wrote about relational aggression in 1995, and over the past dozen years, due to her work and that of others, acceptance of the concept has grown. Previous psychological studies of the subject had focused on physical aggression, which is easier to see and easier to document. Perhaps that was why conventional wisdom had it that girls were less aggressive than boys, and when provoked, more likely to internalize their emotions than express them by acting out. Behavior such as spreading rumors about someone, or giving a former friend the cold shoulder, while not considered friendly, were traditionally seen as bad manners, not aggression. But by interpreting these emotional weapons as such, Crick saw girls’ behavior in a new way.

She and her colleagues began to develop methods of measuring these behaviors in order to gauge their frequency and effect. A longitudinal study with pre-kindergartners in Illinois found that girls were equally as aggressive as boys, when relational aggression was included in the term.

Another follow-up study resulted in a rather surprising conclusion. Although much attention has been focused on the negative effects to the victims of aggression in schools and elsewhere, Crick’s studies indicated that relationally aggressive children suffered, too. They were more likely to be avoided by their peers, and as a result, they were significantly more likely to be lonely and show signs of depression. Results were taken from children’s statements about themselves (“I feel sad many times” versus “I feel sad all the time”) as well as interviews with teachers, and classmates’ observations about each other’s behavior.

By 2006, Crick and her co-investigators had concluded that early relational aggressiveness was an indicator not just of social maladjustment, but of future social maladjustment, a warning sign to counselors and others working with aggressive youth.

Yet another study related relational aggression to the presence or absence of prosocial skills – traits of helpfulness, leadership and friendliness. It found that the children who had the double whammy of being both relationally aggressive and lacking in prosocial skills were more likely to be lonely and depressed than those who were merely relationally aggressive.

And another study of fourth graders found that when a relationally aggressive child made a close friend, she was likely to use private information as a weapon against her, by, for example, betraying a secret. The behavior continued even with best friends.

Crick’s research articles in journals such as Child Development, Applied Developmental Psychology, Developmental Psychopathology and others draw preliminary links between early relational aggression and later difficulties in romantic relationships, eating disorders, and other maladjustments.

Relational aggression can have repercussions far beyond childhood, and even beyond personal relationships. What if these behaviors continue into adulthood, and in the workplace? What if the workplace is a hospital? What if the aggressors are nurses, and secret-keeping and other power plays result in the compromising of patient care?

Causes, Solutions and Future Research

When it comes to the causes of relational aggression, the question may not be “why does it happen?”, but rather “why does it persist?” Any preschooler might try to influence peers with “If you don’t give me that toy I won’t invite you to my birthday party,” but only those who find the behavior rewarding in some way will continue to do it. And ironically, that does tend to happen: in preschool and even in high school, the most aggressive children are sometimes among the most popular, or admired.

Last year, Crick and her team at the University of Minnesota began a new longitudinal study, focusing on a cohort of children now in first grade. They intend to focus on questions of academic performance in children with aggressive behaviors. For example, how do these behaviors affect the transition from kindergarten to the more academically-focused first grade? Do the negative peer interactions that result from these behaviors have a strong impact on learning to read? How long do relationally aggressive children stay so? Another interesting question will have to do with the possibly moderating effect of positive, prosocial behaviors. If a child is very good at making friends and helping others but also aggressive, is the child more or less likely to be well adjusted? Well liked?

Numerous organizations address the problem of bullying in schools and workplaces. Some incorporate relational aggression into programs that address physical violence; others offer support to victims and try to increase awareness of the problem. But because relational aggression research is relatively new, there appear to be no evidence-based programs to address the problem yet. Crick calls the ones that do, “grassroots” organizations, and they play an important role by listening to victims. Her team’s research has not yet ventured into the question of how to modify this behavior.

For adults working with aggressive children, it is important to recognize social aggression and address it when it does. A four-year-old may need only to be told that she has hurt her friend, and that it was wrong to do so. For older children, who may tell lies or conduct rumor campaigns, redress will be more complicated. As with other behavioral problems, the younger the child is when the issue is addressed, the better.

You may wish to consult:

Nicki Crick briefly explains her research (video)

The Crick Social Development Lab

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